The Beauty of Marriage

Sermon Transcript:

(transcribed with AI)

Promontory Community Church exists to make disciples of Jesus who know, live, and share the gospel for the glory of God.

Well, good morning everyone. It's good to be here with you all. My name is Jonathan, and I have the privilege of being one of the pastors here. If you have a Bible with you, let me invite you to open to the book of Malachi. We're going to be looking at Malachi, the last book in the Old Testament this morning, and we're going to be continuing on with this series called Ancient Beauty in a Modern World, looking at how the Bible actually answers some of modern life's questions in a genuinely beautiful way. This morning we're going to be looking at the topic of marriage.

We could talk about marriage in so many different ways. The way the Bible deals with marriage is very different than the way our culture views and has defined marriage. Even throughout my own lifetime, I've seen marriage get redefined multiple times over the years. Certainly that comes in terms of homosexuality, but even changes around laws concerning divorce, laws concerning things like common law partnerships. Let me argue that actually the biggest change is not any of these legislative things, but rather the attitudes that most people now have towards marriage.

Pew Research did a study just two years ago in which they asked grade 12 students — this sort of new up and coming young adults — what are your expectations around marriage? They found a majority of the students still wanted to get married. Interestingly enough, there were more boys who wanted to get married than girls in their study. But perhaps the most interesting thing they found is that when they asked the question, how many of you expect to stay married throughout your life, only 50% even expected that if they got married, it would last.

I think that is what our culture has now begun to view marriage as — it might last, but it also just might not. Marriage has been sort of redefined within a convenience scale. If it's convenient to stay married, well then continue, but if not, it should probably stop. More and more people just don't view it as a very important thing, something that you should continue with.

But this morning we're not asking the question of why that may be the case. There are probably lots of reasons we could point to — the changes of modern life, expectations around careers, advancement, education, how we socialize in a digital world probably all play factors into that. Our goal throughout this whole series has not been to look at that, but rather to ask, what is God's design? And really this morning I want to ask, why should we even care about marriage at all?

Should we care? Because let's be honest, the Bible does not require this of us. It's not as if you have to get married. In fact, there are several places throughout the Bible where singleness is encouraged. Jesus himself was never married. This is not a requirement of life or faith or godliness. So should we care about it at all?

I'm going to argue that when we understand how God actually has designed marriage, it is a beautiful thing. Marriage is not only a beautiful part of life, it is meant to draw us to see the greatest picture of love that the world has ever seen. For that reason, it is not only worthy of our attention but worthy of our faithfulness throughout our life.

This morning we're going to look at God's design for marriage through the book of Malachi. Malachi is a bit of a unique book in our Bible because it's written as a conversation. Malachi is the prophet writing two sides of a conversation between God and the people of Judah. We're going to see how God actually addresses these things with his people. So if you have your Bibles open, let me invite you to follow along.

Malachi chapter 2, starting in verse 13. It's our tradition to stand as we read God's word. If you're able to, would you stand with me?

And this second thing you do, you cover the Lord's altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. But you say, why does he not? Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one with a portion of the spirit in their union. And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit and do not be faithless.

You may be seated.

We are jumping into the middle of this book. It's been a conversation going back and forth between God and the people of Judah. If you know your history, you'll know at this point the people of Judah were a pretty small, insignificant people. They had been conquered and were now under the Persian Empire, having been able to go back to Jerusalem to rebuild the temple and the city. Life at this point had settled back to normal. But that was the problem. God sends Malachi because he says, you've settled back to normal, but that wasn't a good thing. You've gone back to your normal problems, and so Malachi's job is to point all of these out. He does it in this sort of conversation back and forth, often being fairly Socratic, but also somewhat sarcastic throughout the book.

Malachi in chapter 2 begins to specifically address the priests. These were the men who were supposed to lead the people of Judah to understand and follow God. What he is saying is, you priests aren't even following God. You've abandoned what you were supposed to do, you haven't been teaching them, and as we get to our passage here, he says you haven't even been faithful to your spouse. God is very much calling them out on what would have been an already known secret. The priests were not actually being faithful — they were cheating on their wives. God says, yeah, I noticed that. So God then reminds them of his design for marriage, his goal for their marriage, and what they should have actually been doing.

This morning, that's what I want us to see. I want us to see God's design, God's goal, and the amazing grace that he has for us. God created marriage to be a reflection of his character and love, so we could see the grace of Jesus.

Let's start with God's design for marriage. Look back at verse 13. He says, and this second thing you do — I've already talked about the first one, here's number two — you cover the Lord's altar with tears, with weeping and groaning, because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from you.

It's very interesting because God here approaches the priests and says, you keep coming to my altar and you are weeping and crying out to me, why do you keep doing that? Such an odd thing for God to say. Isn't that what we're supposed to do? Aren't we supposed to cry out to God, to go to him? Yet God seems annoyed that they're doing this. The priests are puzzled. They're going, what's going on? Verse 14 — but you priests say, why does he not? Why isn't God listening? Isn't that his whole thing, listening and answering prayers?

Here Malachi is really confronting the priests with their false understanding of who God is. Even today we can get caught up in this line of thinking, treating God like a mechanical system. The priests were approaching God saying, I gave the offering, you're supposed to give me something. I prayed a nice prayer, now God, you're supposed to answer and give me what I want. That's not how God works. That's not who God is.

In fact, James in the New Testament warns us:

You ask and you do not receive because you ask wrongly to spend it on your passions.

Do we seriously expect that God should answer any selfish prayer we make? No, he's God. We are not. We actually have to approach God as a person. It's not as if you started insulting someone and then said, well now I need your help — that's not going to go well. Why do we expect any different with God?

That's exactly what God is going to tell these priests. Verse 14: but you say, why does he not? Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been unfaithful, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.

Why isn't God listening to their prayers? Because they're cheating on their wives. That's the answer. God is looking and going, why would you think I would bless you? You're blatantly cheating on your wife and you're expecting me to come and bless you? Of course I'm not going to do that.

But here's the question we need to ask. Why is God so offended and opposed to what they are doing? Certainly we could say God cares about their wives — those are his daughters, and he very much cares how you treat them. We could say it's a matter of integrity — they had made a commitment they are no longer keeping, and that matters to God. You could say God holds leadership to an even higher standard — you are supposed to set the example. There are a lot of reasons. But God here chooses one very specific one to explain. God is going to teach us his view of marriage and his design for it.

Look back at verse 14. What's the reason? He says, because the Lord was witness between you and your wife. You can read that as if God was actually present at your wedding. When you made your vows, God was there and he was actually a witness of it. Here's the first thing we learn about God's design for marriage: marriage is not some sort of private commitment, it is a public statement — as we often say during a wedding ceremony, before God and man — that you will be faithful to your spouse. God actually heard your vows. In fact, you made them in front of God. Why does he care about you keeping your vows? Because he was there and he is holding you to them.

But that's not the only reason. Keep going, verse 14: to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Notice here God specifically calls this wedding a covenant. In the Bible, covenants are a big deal. God actually makes covenants with his people from time to time, and they are massively important — they define even the storyline of the Bible going forward. We need to recognize that a covenant is not the same as just a contract.

A contract, we make them all the time. It's saying, you do this and I will do this. If you get a job, you are saying, I will do this job and you will pay me this amount of money. What a contract doesn't do is define your relationship together — that's not what a contract does. A contract is just an exchange of goods and services. A covenant actually defines a relationship. It actually defines who you are in relation to another person.

In fact, in the ancient world, when people would make a covenant, they would actually take an animal, cut it in half, and then have both people making the covenant walk in between, because what you are saying symbolically is, I will keep this promise, this covenant, and if I don't, may I be torn apart like this animal. It was a serious commitment to make. It was intended to be until death do us part. A contract defines terms of service; a covenant defines life together. And God is reminding them of the seriousness of what they have done. You made a covenant — you essentially put your life on the line, and I was there.

Why does God care about marriage? He was there, it is a covenant, but finally — and most importantly — because God himself created it. Look back at verse 15. It says, did he not make them one, with a portion of the spirit in their union.

Let me give a very quick note here. Depending on which translation of the Bible you are using, some of these verses are going to look very different. The reason is the Hebrew behind here is really hard to translate and there are some differences within manuscripts. So the details are sometimes a little tricky to get, but let me argue the overall point is still very much clear. God's point is that he is the one who created marriage, and therefore it is his to define.

Genesis chapter 1 and 2 tells us of God creating Adam and Eve, and he actually brings together the very first marriage. He institutes it. In fact, chapter 2 ends with this little explanation right in the text of Genesis:

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife. And they shall become one flesh.

God created marriage to be between one man and one woman to the exclusion of all others, even your next closest relationship, which would be your parents. Marriage is no longer two different people, but you are one. Yes, this is a metaphor referring to sexual union, but let me argue it's also far more than that. If you are married, you know you don't have two separate lives anymore. You are sharing one life. You're tied together, and everything you do throughout the day is going to affect the other person. Marriage is more than just cohabitation — it is two people sharing an entire life, and that is intentional. That's how God designed marriage to function.

This is what Malachi is saying: God created you to be one, and then he says, with a portion of the spirit in their union. God not only witnessed your marriage — rightly we can say God creates it. Marriage is not only originally designed by God, but each marriage is joined together by God. Listen to Jesus' words in Matthew 19:

He answered, have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female and said, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

Jesus here is using the same logic that Malachi is using. God himself originally designed marriage, and God himself is the one who creates it. Even today we recognize marriage is unique. Among all other relationships that you may have, marriage is different. That's why even living together doesn't really prepare you for marriage — in fact, statistically, it often harms it. What we're recognizing is that marriage is unique because it is designed that way by God.

So here's why God cares so much about the marriages of these priests: it's not only because it's his design, not only because it's witnessed by him, but it is created by him. To be unfaithful to your marriage vows is to actively destroy the very thing God has created. This is why God is turning away from these priests. This is why he's so upset with them — because they're treating their marriage vows as if they didn't matter. Marriage is created by God; it's God's design that one man and one woman are to be faithful to one another for their entire lives.

But Malachi isn't really finished yet, because not only has their unfaithfulness broken God's design for marriage, it's actually threatening its very purpose. God's goal for marriage — look back at verse 15. He says, did he not make them one with a portion of the spirit in their union. What was the one God seeking? What was his goal? Godly offspring.

Now that might not be the answer you were expecting. Is the goal of marriage children? Today, as much as the attitudes around marriage have shifted, the attitudes around having children have shifted even more. Children are so often seen as just a bother, an annoyance, getting in the way of what you want to do — not to mention economically inadvisable. In the modern world, with the advent of contraceptives, children and marriage are no longer necessarily intertwined. But you do have to remember, for the vast majority of human history, those two things very much went together.

The Bible tells us repeatedly that children are a blessing from the Lord. Psalm 127 very famously says:

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are the children of one's youth.

Children are to be a blessing to us. I love the picture of an archer, because the whole point is that an archer can hit a target that they can't physically reach. As much as the modern wisdom of today is saying children are going to stop you from reaching your goals, actually children are able to reach far further than you yourselves are going to be able to go.

God's design for marriage and the faithfulness of a husband and wife actually provide the very best foundation for children to both grow and thrive. There have been countless statistics and studies that have shown the impact that having a mother and a father at home actually plays. God calls husbands, wives, fathers, mothers to have an active role in raising children. Faithfulness in marriage gives you a solid foundation on which to build.

Now let me be very clear. I am well aware that what I've just described is not everyone's experience. The reality is we live in a broken world, a world where sin has come and destroyed this beautiful picture that God has created for how families are to function. Even the very best of families are still going to suffer under the brokenness that sin has brought into our world. No one is going to escape that.

What I am not saying is therefore it is hopeless. The Bible has so much hope, so much grace for when sin gets in the way and destroys what God has created. If you're a single parent here, hear me — there is grace and there is hope. If you grew up without a mother and a father together in your life, hear me — you have a heavenly Father who will never let you down. We live in a broken world, yes, but a world in which God has given us incredible hope for the future, and let me argue that is what our marriages are to point us to.

So here we have to ask a question. If we say the purpose of marriage is to have children, and that's as far as we go, we have to ask some pretty serious questions. What if you can't have kids — does your marriage have no purpose? What about when your kids are grown and they've left the house — are you just running out the clock? Your marriage is kind of over, you don't have any more purpose? No. Let me suggest God has more in mind than just having children.

What does he say here? What is God seeking? Godly offspring. I'm going to argue that word offspring is very much used on purpose. It's very much connected to a promise that God had made long ago. When Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden sinned, they broke this perfect world that God had created. Sin entered in, and one of the very first things that happened is their marriage got fractured. God approaches Adam and Eve, says what happened, and Adam immediately starts blaming his wife. Sin immediately breaks the faithfulness of marriage.

But in Genesis 3, God makes them a promise. As all of the curse and all the problems of sin settle into the world, God makes a promise, speaking directly to Satan:

I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring. He shall bruise your head and you shall bruise his heel.

God makes a promise that the offspring of this woman will one day come and crush the head of sin and destroy it. The rest of the Bible is looking out — where is this offspring? Who is the one who is coming that will one day destroy and wipe out all evil? Is there hope? Yes, God has promised an offspring is coming. As you go through the story of the Bible, you find it's coming through Abraham, it's coming through David, and with every child born there's the question, is this going to be the one? All the way until Jesus is born.

Jesus is the offspring they were waiting for, that every marriage was pointing towards. Jesus is the one who was bruised for our sins, and it is by his wounds that we are healed. Jesus went to the cross and died in our place so that anyone who would believe would be forgiven. Jesus rose again to show us the curse of sin had been broken, so that anyone who trusts in him would live forever. Jesus is the offspring that every marriage is intended to show.

In fact, this is exactly what Paul teaches us in Ephesians 5. He starts by quoting Genesis 2:

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying it refers to Christ and the church.

Paul looks back at Genesis and sees that God's design from the very beginning for marriage had a goal. He calls it a mystery, something they couldn't understand fully until Jesus came. What was God's goal? That marriage would put on display the promised offspring, Jesus — that our marriages would be a living, active display of God's love for his people. Our marriages are intended to reflect God's faithful, steadfast love for us.

This is why Paul will say that men and women have unique roles in marriage — we're called to put God's glory on display. We looked at this last week: husbands, in your marriage, show how Jesus leads his church; wives, follow his leadership to show how the church is to follow Jesus. Marriage is a living demonstration of Jesus Christ, and that is and always has been God's goal for your marriage.

Marriage is not just simply a good idea for raising kids, but through your marriage you would put on display the glory of Jesus Christ. So that as you love one another, you would get a practical and visible demonstration of what it looks like when God says that he loves us. As you share one life, you are showing what it looks like to be united to Jesus Christ, that our life is now with him. And our marriages are to be a signpost of what is yet to come.

Here's the other truth — marriage is not eternal. In fact, Jesus makes this very clear in Matthew 22:

For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.

Marriage is not an eternal thing, because marriage on this earth has always been about pointing to the greater reality that is yet to come. In Revelation we're told:

And I saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

Our marriages on earth are just foreshadowing — foreshadowing the greater marriage that is yet to come, the union of God's people with Christ forever in heaven. That is what our marriages are meant to point us to. When God created marriage all the way back in Genesis, he had Revelation in mind. He created a living, visible picture of the love of God, and the beauty of what union with Christ will look like. We are to put on display the everlasting love of God in tangible pictures for people to see. It's his design, it's his creation, and it's the picture of his love for us. We're called to faithfulness in marriage because our marriages are to represent the faithfulness of our Savior.

And so this is why Malachi ends with a call to faithfulness. We need to see God's grace for marriage. God is seeking the display of his glory through their marriages, and so he says, now guard yourself. Look at verse 15, the end of verse 15: so guard yourselves in your spirit and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.

God is upset with them because they've been cheating on their spouses, so he gives them the reason why God would be so upset about this, and now what are they to do? Guard yourself. Guard your spirit. Guard your life from anything that might pull you away from faithfulness to your spouse. As one preacher put it, affairs do not begin in a hotel room — they begin when we let things into our life that need to be reserved for our spouse.

Guard your life. That means relationships that are going to get inappropriate — guard yourself from them, do not put yourself into those situations. It means guard your mind — what are you thinking about all day? Are you dreaming of someone else or a fantasy you've constructed? Guard your eyes — I'm absolutely including things like pornography, which involves not only the eyes but mind and heart altogether. Guard yourself for what is to be reserved for your spouse and them alone. Get rid of anything that might cause you to stumble, because the reality is it will kill you.

The book of Proverbs warns about this:

For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is as bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death, her steps follow the path to Sheol. She does not ponder the path of life, her ways wander and she does not know it.

What starts off looking like such a good idea, seeming so sweet, leads ultimately to death and destruction. When you realize just how much is at stake in your marriage — the lives of your children, your spouse, and the display of God's glory — you realize that the innocent flirting at work is not that innocent. It is a direct threat to the very purpose of your marriage.

In fact, Malachi goes on to say that when we do this, we are making God look like an abuser. Look back at verse 16: for the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts.

Once again, these are tricky verses to translate, but the point is clear. How you act in your marriage is making a statement about God. To be cheating on your wife is to say that God is violent and abusive. Hear me, the Bible has lots to say about divorce and we're not really going to go down that rabbit hole today — it's worth its own sermon. But we do need to realize our actions reflect the character of God, either accurately or destructively. That's what Malachi is trying to get them to understand, and that's why he ends this section: so guard yourselves in your spirit and do not be faithless.

We're left with this very clear command — do not be faithless to your spouse. But here is where we need to make sure we are actually applying this correctly. The challenge is that with a command like this, it is so easy for us to simply make some new legalistic demand on our lives. We can say, alright, I have to be the perfect spouse, and so we're going to try as hard as we can — and what's going to happen? We're going to fail. Marriage is two sinful people trying to represent a perfect and holy God. No matter how hard you try, eventually you are going to let down your spouse, and your spouse will let you down. Sometimes even together you will fail. You will not be perfect.

But here's where we need to remind ourselves — what was the goal? Your marriage is to put on display Jesus Christ. Your marriage is not about how perfect or good of a spouse you are. Your marriage is about showing how good a Savior Jesus is, because when we were sinful, when we were a mess, Jesus loved us so much that he went to the cross to die for us, to take the punishment that we deserved. He gave us grace when we did not deserve it.

Hear me — if you want a strong marriage, that is what you need above all else. You need the grace of God so that you can show that grace to your spouse, so that together you can show what Jesus is like. We will all fail, but there is good news — your marriage is not about you. It's about Jesus. Show the grace of Jesus Christ. Marriage is not about putting your best foot forward, but putting forward the image of Jesus.

We need Jesus. We need to ask for our sins to be forgiven — from God, from our spouse — so that we can offer that grace to one another. We need the Holy Spirit to actually do that work of transforming our lives. You want a marriage that lasts? Center it on the grace of God and showing that to one another, because ultimately that's what changes our hearts and lives.

Titus 2 we read:

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ.

It is God's grace that transforms. It's not about getting ourselves to be a perfect spouse so that we can do that work. It is about recognizing that it is only in the strength that Jesus supplies that we can show what Jesus is truly like. If we are meant to show Jesus in our marriages, it will not be by self-made perfection, but by our reliance on the grace of God. The beautiful design of God in our marriages is that it will show us our need of his grace all the more.

So why should we care about marriage? Marriage is far more than just a contract of convenience. It is a covenant enacted and built by God to show us the picture of Jesus, to show the love of God and act as a foretaste of the glory that's waiting for us in heaven. Our marriages on earth are not going to be perfect, but they will point us to the one who has given us grace in the face of all our failures. Let us celebrate marriage as the picture of Jesus, guarding it by the grace of the Holy Spirit, so the world might see the goodness of God.

Let's pray together.

Our Heavenly Father, Lord, we thank you for Jesus Christ. Even as you beautifully give us this design of marriage, we recognize our inability to keep it on our own. Father, we confess that we are sinful people. We have not always kept our word. We have not always done what is right. We have not lived up to the perfection of your holiness. Father, we have even distorted your character by our actions. Lord, forgive us of our sins. May we learn to trust in your grace again and again, that we would run to you for forgiveness, that in your grace we might put on display the goodness of Jesus Christ. Our only hope is found in Jesus. Father, help us that we might display Jesus Christ and his grace rightly to the world around us. We ask all this in your name. Amen.