Sermon Text:
Ephesians 6:1-4
The relationship between parents and children is a reflection of our relationship with our Heavenly Father. How do we reflect that relationship in our families for God’s glory and what do we do when we fail?
Sermon Transcript:
(transcribed with AI)
Hey, good morning, everyone. Welcome here. Good to see you. For those of you that don't know me, my name is Justin. I have the privilege of serving as one of the elders here, and once in a while I get to preach, so here we are. Today is a family service, so kids are in the service. Welcome, kids. I got a deal for you. If you guys are really good, you sit really quietly. I will have a treat for you guys up here at the front after the service. All right, Deal? All right, sounds good.
So, because the kids are in the service today, we picked a special topic to preach on. Today's sermon is about obeying your parents. The parents are like, yes. No, I'm just kidding. We didn't, well, I'm not kidding about that. We didn't actually plan it that way. It just happens to be the next passage that we're preaching on as we're working through our series in Ephesians. So don't worry kids, we're not specifically targeting you or picking on you, that's just how it worked out.
So, yeah, as I mentioned, and as you may know, we've been working through Paul's letter to the Ephesians. Last week, we heard about the passage about husbands and wives. This week we're talking about kids and parents. The following passage is about servants and masters, and one of the things all these texts have in common is, it's talking about a household. How this particular section of Ephesians is teaching people how to have a godly household, how to have harmony in the home, and how those household relationships reflect our relationship with Christ.
So it would be kind of easy to read some of these passages simply as a list of do's and do nots cause it's very practical stuff, but there's more here than just a list of rules. Paul's actually teaching us here in all of these passages that our relationships are a living metaphor or a living example or picture of God's relationship with his people. So obviously that vision comes with some do's and don'ts and some practical stuff, but I hope we will not get too bogged down in the dos and don'ts as we read and listen, and that we should be able to see a bigger picture that's being put before us.
So, without further ado, let's dive into our passage this morning. We're reading from Ephesians 6:1 to 4. If you'd like to turn there with me now. If you're not old school analog, we'll have it up here on the screen. So it's our tradition here that we stand in reverence for the reading of the word, so please stand with me if you're able. Once again, this is Ephesians 6:1-4.
Children, obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
So far the reading of God's word, please be seated. So don't worry kids, it's not all directed at you. There's a little bit there at the end for the parents too.
Before we begin, I just want to say that I don't feel overly qualified to teach on this passage. I've been a parent for 5 years, my kids are still quite small. So I feel like I'm kind of like 5 years old, like still, I'm still in kindergarten in the parenting world. Some of you have graduated long ago. Some of you have even graduated 2 generations at this point. I would love to have one of you older gentlemen up here teaching me. I feel out of my element a little bit. Some of you have so much more experience and wisdom to share, I truly feel like a kindergartner teaching a room full of college graduates. So bear with me. This is by no means a comprehensive study on parent-child relationships or parenting in general. We're simply trying to unpack what God has to say to us in these few verses.
So, let's dive in. Now at first glance, you can kind of see there's two parts to this passage, right? There's the first bit directed at children, and the second bit directed at parents, fathers specifically, but I think it can apply to both parents. Now we can easily summarize this passage as saying, kids obey your parents, parents don't provoke your children. But it's not written quite that short and simply for a reason. The Bible just doesn't just say, obey your parents, full stop. But it gives you a reason why. It doesn't just say don't provoke your children, but it provides an alternative.
There's a greater vision being cast here rather than just blind rule following. And I believe that these two commandments are two sides of the same coin and that when properly implemented, they work together to create harmony in the home and bear witness to the glory of God. I also believe these passages are teaching us how to be in right relationships with our children and earthly fathers by drawing the comparison to our heavenly Father and his relationship with his people. So the ultimate goal here is not necessarily behavior modification, rather, it's to bring us into right relationship with each other and with God. So let's keep that in mind as we dive a little deeper into our passage this morning.
So starting in verse one, it's pretty straightforward. Children obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right. It's a pretty simple command, not a whole lot of explanation needed, it seems. It might be easier said than done, but you don't need to be a theologian to unpack what this one means. But the passage doesn't end here, it doesn't stop. Paul goes on to quote one of the 10 commandments, Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. So Paul here is kind of calling back to the Old Testament, specifically the 10 Commandments or the law.
Now the law of Moses actually had some pretty serious things to say about honoring your parents. Exodus 21:15 and 17 say this.
Whoever strikes his father or his mother shall be put to death. Whoever curses his father or his mother shall be put to death.
Now we're not talking about minor altercations here, but in serious cases of dishonor, the consequence was death. Now, Paul doesn't dwell there or focus there, and I'm not going to either, but These passages do give us just a little bit of context for how seriously God actually takes the relationship between parents and children. Paul rather chooses to focus on the promise part of these commands, and goes out of his way to note that this is the first and only of the 10 commandments that come with a promise. He's quoting Exodus 20:12, which says,
Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
So we're not just given a command here, but a why and a promise of what will happen if it is followed, that the your days may be long in the land that the Lord is giving you. Now, it would be really easy to read this as obey your parents and things will go well for you. Or obey your parents and God will let you into heaven. But that's not exactly what it's saying. You see this promise was given to the Israelites, or the promise that was given to the Israelites. Was the land that God was giving them.
And throughout the history of Israel, the possession of the land acts as a barometer of how their relationship with God is. When they stopped following God, their enemies would invade the land, or they would be taken into exile away from their land. When they turned back to God, he would deliver them from their enemies and return the land to their possession. And so while the land had this important role to play in God's plan for salvation. It was never the ultimate goal. Right relationship with God was always the ultimate goal.
In the same way when children have right relationships with their parents and parents have right relationships with their kids, things do tend to go much better in the home. But not only in the home, but in society at large, right? When families are in harmony, it bodes well for society. When children have good relationship with their parents and vice versa, society thrives. When these relationships are broken, that's when we see problems. That's when we see things like domestic abuse, kids running away from home, rebellion. The list goes on.
Families are the building blocks of society, but if the blocks are fractured, we have a problem. But all those symptoms that arise out of these fractured blocks are simply symptoms of a core problem. Again, broken relationships. The ultimate goal for ancient Israel and for us is right relationship with each other and with God. And we look forward to a day when those relationships will be restored and brought into perfect harmony when we reach the true promised land, the kingdom of heaven.
Ultimately, the promise that's given us this passage is that you may live long in the land. But you see, the thing is you don't need to wait for heaven to have harmony in the home right now. Children, you can do your part in creating harmony in your family by being obedient to your parents. Now, kids, please hear me. This is not all on you. This is not, the harmony of your family does not rest on your shoulders alone. Don't worry, we're gonna spend the next half of the passage talking about the parent's responsibility. But for now, we're just talking about one of the simplest little things that you can do to do your part.
Now, I can hear a couple of objections already that I'd like to address. First is, well, what if my parents are telling me to do something that is wrong? And the second is, what if I really strongly disagree, and what if what they're telling me to do is unfair?
First, if your parents are telling you to do something that is harmful, abusive, wrong, or ungodly. You can say no as respectfully as you can. Remember, the passage doesn't say, obey your parents no matter what. It says, obey your parents in the Lord. If what they are asking you to do is wrong or dishonoring to God, you must obey your heavenly Father first. If you must do this, I encourage you to do this as respectfully as you can. Explain to them why you think it's bad for you to do the thing they are telling you to do. And if you feel unsafe or threatened, please go tell another adult that you trust. But you are allowed to respectfully disagree with your parents.
But that leads to the second objection. What if it's not fair or I strongly disagree? Like I said, obedience doesn't just mean you have to be a doormat, like, let them walk all over you, tell, you know, they don't have to necessarily boss you around. You can respectfully disagree and still be obedient. It might seem like it's a contradiction. So how do we do that?
I'm gonna use an example. Let's say your mom tells you to put on a sweater because it might be cold outside, but you don't want to because it doesn't seem that cold outside. The disobedient thing to do would be to just brush it off, ignore her and do whatever you want. The overly obedient person might put the sweater on. Turns out mom was wrong. It's hot outside, and now you're sweating, you're dying of heat, but the Bible says obey your parents, so you keep that sweater on and pass out from heat exhaustion. OK. There's a 3rd option.
The third option is to respectfully talk to your parent about why you don't think you need to wear a sweater. Perhaps you could offer a compromise to bring it along in case you get cold. Perhaps you put it on with the understanding that you're going to take it off if you get too warm. Whatever the solution is, this is all theoretical. The point is that respectfully talking to your parents about it, helping them see your point of view and being willing to concede or compromise. Brings harmony to your relationship with them. Now you're talking to each other about it. You're solving the problem together rather than against each other.
And it's important to realize that disagreement is not necessarily disobedience. You can express your disagreement in a respectful, honoring way. Throughout the Bible, actually, there's many examples of people disagreeing or negotiating with God, without being disobedient. Abraham negotiates with God over how many good people it would take to save Sodom and Gomorrah. Jacob literally wrestles with God. Moses intercedes for the nation of Israel when God is ready to destroy them all. Jesus himself before he was crucified, asked God that he would not have to go through with it. But he submits and says, not my will but yours be done.
Oftentimes when we pray, I think we probably ask for things that may not align with his will or his plan, but that's not disobedience. As God welcomes us. He even commands us to pray to him, to engage with him, to talk to him about things we don't understand or things we feel anxious about, or maybe even things we straight up disagree with. But it's through conversations like that, that our relationship with him grows. And it's no different than with our earthly parents.
So if there's something you disagree with your parents about, you don't, first response does not have to be to disobey. Rather talk to them about it, express your point of view, but also be humble and willing to compromise, even ultimately submit. Just as Jesus submitted to the will of the Father, just as he obeyed the will of the Father. He is our example, and when you follow that example, you reflect Jesus to those around you.
So, that's enough for the kids' side of things. Let's move on to the adults, particularly the part directed at the parents or particularly the fathers. Verse 4 says this. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Now, if you're like me, you might be thinking, well, my kids get angry when I don't give them candy right before bed. How does that fit into this?
As parents, we have to make decisions that are unpopular with our kids. Sometimes those decisions might even make them upset. That's not what this passage is talking about. This passage isn't saying never do anything to make your kids upset. It's saying, do not provoke anger. It's talking about disparaging comments, discouraging words, unhelpful criticism, blaming, escalating a situation when we should be de-escalating a situation. Basically anything that tears them down.
So, is there a time for constructive criticism? Absolutely. Is there a time to implement consequences that will make them upset? Yes. But those things have to be done in gentleness and love, in a spirit of discipline and teaching. Now, I have to admit, I fail at this often. I'm sure many of you can relate. As parents, you get run tired, you get frustrated, and as human beings, it's just easier sometimes to criticize or just shut down that argument rather than it is to take the time to teach. We get angry when they just won't listen and then we lash out in our own impatience. We find ourselves saying, don't do this, don't do that, cut that out more often rather than instructing them in the way they should go.
Our passage reflects this ethic. It follows up its do not. With an alternative. Rather, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Again, it's not, do not provoke them to anger full stop. It actually provides. Provide some teaching to us. It doesn't just tell us what not to do, rather, it tells us what we should be doing instead.
You know, if we focus on just trying to cut out negative behaviors, I just like try really hard not to provoke my kids to anger, but then when I fail, I'm gonna get more frustrated, and if I'm frustrated, I'm more likely to fail the next time and we end up in this cycle of negativity. But our passage tells us that or what we should focus on. Or we ought, we should be focusing on what we ought to be doing. Then What we ought not to be doing will eventually fade away. So rather than focusing on the do not and just trying not to provoke our children to anger, let's look what we're called to do instead, to replace that bad behavior with good behavior, to discipline and instruct our children in the Lord.
So first off, moving forward, I want to clarify that when I say discipline, I don't necessarily mean punishment. We often hear the word discipline and we think spanking. Punitive measures can be an aspect of discipline, but discipline is so much more than that. When you see someone who works out every day, or an athlete who trains diligently and regularly, we would say that that person is disciplined. People often say things like going into the military or doing martial arts teaches people discipline.
The dictionary defines discipline as this, the practice of training people to obey rules or code of behavior using punishment to correct disobedience. So yes, sometimes punishment or consequences may be necessary for correction, but the focus ought to be on the training, the teaching, and the instruction. If you punish without training, that's not discipline. The overall trajectory of discipline is to build up to train for a purpose. Like any kind of training, discipline involves regular practice, routines, and rhythms that teach the trainee how to do the things they're trying to accomplish.
Now, I know this may sound cliche, but regular prayer and Bible reading are two really great spiritual disciplines that can begin training your child to know God. So when we think of discipline, let's not, let's think a little bit broader than just corrective measures and punishment and expand that to include patterns of teaching. That's why our passage includes instruction along with discipline.
It's important that our discipline be accompanied by solid biblical teaching. Again, our goal with our kids is not just behavior modification, do's and do nots, and blind obedience. We aren't trying to raise people who just avoid doing bad things. We're raising people to serve and glorify God.
So you don't teach someone to play hockey by telling them, just try not to score on your own net, no hitting people on the head with your stick, and you can't cross the blue line before the puck. That's not teaching someone how to play hockey, that's just teaching them the do not rules. No, you teach them how to skate, you teach them how to pass, you teach them how to shoot, you teach them where to be at the right time, you teach them the fundamental skills and disciplines that allow them to play the game. If you played hockey only according to the do nots, you're missing out on the majority of the game and it's just a public skate at that point. We have to teach the whole game. Just not the do, not just the do nots. In fact, the do nots only really makes sense if you understand the rest of the mechanics of the game.
So how do we do this? How do we discipline and instruct our kids? Well, that's really easy actually. You can just sub it out to Sunday school or you can just send your kids to a Christian school and they can cover that stuff there so you don't have to, right? Wrong Parents, you are your children's primary spiritual teacher. Whether you want to be or not. Our passage this morning calls you to instruct them in the Lord.
Now, not all of us probably feel that equipped or even intellectual enough to teach our kids theology or And whatnot. So things like Sunday school and Christian schools are great supplements to learning and may fill in some of the gaps. I'm not trying to poo poo on those things. But they're supplements, they fill in the, they bridge the gaps. A child's spiritual discipline and instruction begins with the parents. And you don't have to be a biblical expert to teach them by example.
God reveals to Himself to us as God the Father. So much of how we understand God is seen through the lens of how we perceive our own earthly fathers. So, if you're going to teach your kids that God is our Father in heaven, And you are the primary example of who and what a father is. Then their view of God is going to be radically shaped by the type of father you are. Let that sink in for a minute. What kind of God are you indirectly teaching just by being a father or a mother? This thought makes my heart sink every time I get angry at my kids and say something unkind, cause it's like, shoot, I just preached angry, short-tempered God once again to my parent, my kids. Where is that God that is patient and slow to anger and abounding in love?
So if there's one question or guiding principle that I'd like you to ponder or remember from the sermon, it's this. What kind of God are you representing to your kids? Are you present and engaged? Or distant and distracted. Are you patient and kind or impatient and grumpy? Are you full of compassion? The reality is, none of us can ever be as good of a father to our kids as our heavenly Father is to us. But we can grow to be more like, more like him through reading his word, through speaking to him in prayer, being in community with others who love him.
We can teach our children so much about God simply by strengthening our relationship with Him and growing in His grace and compassion. I mean, how can we teach our kids about God if we don't know him ourselves? Why should we expect our kids to obey if we continue to walk in disobedience to our Father? What right do I have to be angry with my defiant child when I defy God with my sin every day?
We are all disobedient children before our father. We all procrastinate on cleaning out our rooms, taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, metaphorically speaking, of course. We all procrastinate on cleaning up our act, despite his constant reminders. And I'm sure many of our prayers sound petty, like a child begging for candy for the thousands time. Yet God is patient with us, and he listens. He forgives us when we fall short, slip up, or even straight up defy Him. He hears our prayers that are so big for us but so small a thing for him.
In fact, through the person of Jesus Christ, God got down to meet us at our level, like an adult getting down on a knee to connect with a child. He entered into our little world. He emphasized with our struggles. He spoke to us in words we could understand and showed us the way to go. And ultimately he gave his life up for us, sacrificing himself so that we could live. That's the gun we follow. That's the type of parent we ought to strive to imitate.
So how are we doing with this? How are you doing with this? The truth is we all fail at this. We can never be as perfect as Jesus. So what do we do when we fail? What do we do when we have provoked our children? When we fail, we get the opportunity to show our kids how to repent. We not only repent before God, but we repent before our family as well. One of the most powerful things you can do as a parent is to apologize to your child and ask for forgiveness. It's an incredibly humbling experience. It's so worth the reward. Even mom and dad need Jesus to forgive them, and we need to demonstrate that to our children by repenting. We must lead by example. We must teach by example. We must draw our example from God our Father.
And this is ultimately what it comes down to in this passage for both parents and children and not just parents and children, but all of us. that we follow the example of Jesus the Son, and God the Father. Children, obey your parents in the Lord. Parents, bring your children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. If the Lord is not our guide, if he's not our ultimate authority, then all bets are off.
Parents, your authority over your children comes from the Lord. Not as people that are entitled to that authority. You're not entitled to the authority over your children. You are ambassadors and stewards of God to your family. You are answerable to God for your management or mismanagement of that authority. Children, God has given you parents, your parents, the responsibility to be in charge of you. So it's right for you to obey them. Again, I'm going to add with the exception of situations of abuse or things that are clearly wrong, because that's not what God gave parents authority to do.
The fundamental principle behind all of this is that we are answerable to God for what he calls us to do, whatever the relationship is. And when we all obey God as we are called, I think we will find that there is better harmony in the household. Parents, if we can refrain from provoking our children to anger, I'd be willing to bet they are much more likely to obey. And kids, if you can manage to obey your parents. I suspect they might be more patient and gentle in response. If we follow what God calls us to do, I believe we can all begin a cycle in our homes where obedience begets gentle instruction and gentle instruction begets obedience.
And I know that's Easier said than done. So all it takes is one little spat to derail the whole thing. But then it's up to each of us to do the part God has called us to do. We're not supposed to look at the other person. Hey, you're supposed to obey. Hey, you're supposed to gently, no. What am I supposed to do? What does God called me to do?
So as we go into this week, can we all agree to give this a try? Parents, let's try to rein in those comments that we know aren't helpful, that only provoke or frustrate our kids. And instead encourage and instruct with the type of discipline that builds up. Kids, let's try obeying our parents just a little bit more this week. Instead of jumping to disobedience right away when something doesn't seem fair, try talking about it calmly. Bring it to your parents, have that relationship. So let's all do our part this week to have a household that reflects the goodness of God. Let's pray. We're gonna need it.
Lord, we need you. we need you in our homes, we need you in our relationships. You've created us to be in relationship with each other and with you and You are our father. Or you are our example of how to have a good and perfect relationship. We thank you that you did your part for us even when we did not hold up our end of the deal. We thank you that you are patient and kind with us, and we pray that we can learn from that patience and kindness. Or may we learn how to submit as Jesus submitted to the Father. Lord, we can do none of this of our own will or strength, but we need you to guide us in it. So we pray that you would fill us and that you would remind us. Of your grace and how we can imitate that as well. Your name we pray. Amen.