Sermon Text:
Ephesians 5:22-33
Marriage was created by God to show us a picture of the love of Jesus for the church. Husbands and wives are each called to put on display the relationship between Christ and the church and together they show the full picture of God’s glory.
Sermon Transcript:
(transcribed with AI)
Amen. Well, good morning. It's good to be here with you all. For those who might not know me, my name is Jonathan, privilege of being the pastor here.
Have you ever heard somebody say, the Bible's view on marriage is just so outdated? The Bible just has these really outdated views of marriage. They seem like they belong in the 1950s. They don't really make sense anymore. The idea that someone would wait until marriage to have sex just seems backwards. I mean, why bother? I mean if you're gonna make a commitment like that, shouldn't you know what you are getting into? That just makes sense. Stop making it such a big deal.
The Bible has outdated views on divorce. Look, if you're gonna get a divorce because you're not happy, I mean, why shouldn't you? Of course you should just go for it, stop making it a big deal.
The Bible has outdated views on men and women. I mean, if we actually followed what the Bible said, I mean, women would just be barefoot, pregnant, waiting at home for their husbands to get home to serve them a drink in front of the TV. Who actually wants that? Maybe some chauvinistic men, but no thank you.
I'm sure you've heard these views expressed in one way or another. At some point, you've heard someone say something like this, and the truth is, the Bible really doesn't fit with our culture. I would argue it didn't fit with the 1950s either, but that's besides the point. There are points in which what the Bible says, and our cultural way of thinking, acting, even values are going to clash. And so the question we really need to ask is, well then what do we do with that? What do we do when the Bible clashes with the way that everyone thinks around us?
What we could do is we could just say, look, just ignore those parts. It's an old book. We don't have to agree with everything. And in one sense that is an answer. I'm gonna argue that that's a little bit of a hypocritical answer to say yes, we believe the Bible, but just the parts that I like. That's really just saying I get to choose whatever I want. What is using the Bible then to justify our own ideas.
But the truth is, the Bible is going to clash. In particular, when it comes to marriage, the Bible clashes with a lot of the times how we think. And so let me suggest that whenever we come to something, whether it be in the Bible or outside, whenever we come to something where we don't necessarily agree right away, where you look at something and you go, oh, I don't know about that. I think the best thing for us to do is always say, well, am I understanding this rightly? Am I actually understanding what is going on?
And so as we open our Bibles this morning, we are gonna look at marriage. We're gonna look at what the Bible has to say around all these things and actually what I really want us to do is to actually understand it, because so often people reject what the Bible has to say without actually understanding what the Bible said.
And so this morning I want us to actually understand what is God's purpose and his design for marriage? How do we actually understand it? Because it stops looking like an outdated commercial and it actually starts looking like quite a beautiful design. God actually made marriage to be a good thing. God made marriage to be a picture of his perfect love for us. And that's really what I want us to see this morning.
So if you have a Bible with you, let me invite you to open to the book of Ephesians. We're gonna be in Ephesians chapter 5 here this morning. We're continuing on with our series walking through this book, and we've made it to this point where Paul now starts to deal with marriage and why God designed it. So if you have your Bibles open, you can follow along with me. It's our tradition here, we stand as we read God's word, so if you're able to, would you stand with me? Ephesians chapter 5, starting in verse 22.
Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body and is Himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. So that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church because we are members of His body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
As far the reading of God's word, you may be seated.
All right, well, there is a lot in this passage. There is a lot to unpack in this, but before we kind of get into the nitty gritty, I want us to back up and recognize how we got here. If you've been with us for the past number of weeks, we've been walking through the book of Ephesians and all the way back at the beginning of chapter 5, Paul gives this command to be imitators of God. Everything else that he's talking about falls under this category of actually imitating God. Follow his directions, his call, make sure that you can see God in how you live your life. You're reflecting his character.
And in many ways this is not something we do on our own. Rather, it is a response to the transformation of the gospel. When we actually trust in Jesus, when we actually say forgive us of our sins. God actually does the work in our lives. We're not the same people. Paul talks about this. We've been transformed from darkness to light. The gospel is what makes this difference.
And so in that, in trusting Jesus, then how are we supposed to live? And Paul talks about how we use our time. Last week he gave the command, be filled with the Holy Spirit, to actually be a believer filled with the Holy Spirit spending our time in worship and actually thanking God and then right there at the end of verse 21, he says, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Submitting to one another is part of being filled with the spirit.
And I know in our Bibles, often verse 22 is a whole new paragraph. In Greek, it's not even a different sentence. Actually, it's just continuing right on. Paul is explaining what does that mean? And he actually gives us now 3 pairs of examples. He's gonna start off here with wives and husbands, and then he's gonna go to children and parents, and then he's gonna go to bond servants and masters. Three different arenas of life and how we are to interact with one another being filled with the spirit.
Now, as we approach this, there are a lot of misconceptions around what this looks like. A lot of misunderstanding often goes into this and so what I want us to do is I want us to understand what is the Bible saying and what is it not saying because God's design here for marriage is actually quite a beautiful thing, and while sin does get involved and the picture gets broken, gets twisted. We should not get rid of it. Rather, our goal is to understand submission, headship and unity in marriage for the glory of God. God made marriage to reflect his love for the church shown in Jesus Christ. As believers, we have the privilege of demonstrating that love to the world around us.
So let's start off here right at the beginning in verse 22, and this call. Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. This is submission for the glory of God and here is where we run into really our first problem because often we really misunderstand what that word submit actually means. We often think we know what it means, but often we fill it in with all kinds of problematic things.
Two misconceptions, let me start off with. First of all, to submit does not mean that you are inferior. That someone would submit because they are of lesser worth or value in any way. In fact, the Bible starts off with declaring actually men and women are equal before God. Genesis chapter one, first chapter of the Bible.
So God created man in his own image. In the image of God He created him, male and female, he created them.
Men and women created side by side in the image of God. No distinction of value or worth can or should be brought into this. The Bible is not teaching that wives are supposed to submit because they are inferior. That is not what this is.
Second misconception is that submission requires some form of subjugation. We think about submission, we use that in the framework of like wrestling. You wrestle someone to the ground into submission. You've overpowered them in some way. Again, that's not what the Bible is talking about.
Submission is not a passive force to or a passive response to overwhelming force, nor is it inferiority. Rather, submission is an active, intentional decision to follow the leadership of another. Submission is an active, it is an act of the will, a choice to follow after someone else.
You can think back a little bit like when you're in school. You're in school and if you ever went to school and said to yourself one day, I just don't wanna be here. I don't wanna be here. I don't wanna listen to anyone at that point. Doesn't matter how good your teachers are, doesn't mean, doesn't matter how amazing or how long they talk, if you decided to yourself, I'm not gonna listen, you're not going to learn, are you? No. It's a choice of whether I'm going to follow after their leadership or not in the same way sub submitting is choosing who you will follow. It's a statement not of value, it is a statement of order, and really the best example of this is Jesus himself.
Jesus is our example of submission. When he's on earth, he makes it very clear he's here to do the will of the Father. He is here to follow what God the Father has told him to do. And in fact, even when he goes to the cross, if you remember his prayer in the garden of Gethsemane, says,
Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will but yours be done.
Jesus is submitting himself to the will of the Father. Why? Because Jesus is somehow lesser than the Father. Well, no, actually, Father, Son, Holy Spirit, all eternally, equally, fully God, Jesus is not lesser than the Father, rather, he is willingly submitting himself to the will of the Father. Here's our example of submission and really what we do need to see is that this is not some unique command to wives as if everyone else doesn't have to. No, in fact, the Bible has lots of places where it calls us to submit.
Romans will talk about actually being subject to the governing authorities, the government over us. Hebrews 13, talking about the church says:
Obey your leaders and submit to them. For they are keeping watch over your souls as those who will have to give an account.
Notice here, the church is called to submit to the leaders and the leaders are also called to submit under God. They don't get to sit on the top of the hill as if no one is watching over them, far from it. Or James chapter 4 simply says,
Submit yourselves therefore to God.
Submission is called of every Christian, intentionally, willingly follow the leadership of God. It's not a question of inferiority or subjugation. It is a willingness to follow someone else.
And so as we apply that then into marriage, we need to see a few things. Look back again in verse 22 wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. Number 1. This is not a blanket statement for all women to submit to all men. No, it's very specific simply one wife to one husband. Number 2, submission comes in the context of submission to the Lord, meaning, God is always the first. God is always over us. The husbands do not have authority outside of what God has given them. It's a response to God, and then thirdly, wives are called to submit in order to put on display how the church is meant to follow Christ.
Look at verse 23 now.
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Now, don't worry, I'm gonna talk about husbands in just a little bit. Men, you better buckle up, OK? But wives, you're called to put on a demonstration of how the church follows Jesus. It's a practical physical display that people can look at and say, I understand better how to follow Jesus by your example.
Again, this doesn't mean that husbands get to do whatever they want. Let me give you a bit of an example. Let's say your dad is the CEO of a big company. You're his daughter and he says, I'm gonna hire you and I want you to do some advertising for me. And so your first day in the company, your dad comes with you and gets you to your office and says, all right, I want you to meet Bob. Bob's your project manager. I want you to work with him.
Now if you show up the next day and you say to Bob, I don't care what you have to say, I'm gonna do whatever I want to do because I'm the CEO's daughter. Who are you gonna get in trouble with? Well, your dad, cause he actually gave you the job. He called you to do something. He called you to work with Bob. At the same time, if Bob says, well, I get to tell you to do whatever I want. In fact, I'm not gonna get you to do advertising. I'm gonna go, you're gonna be my gofer, you're gonna get me coffee, you're gonna get me lunch, and that's it. He's getting in trouble with the CEO now.
In some ways this is what marriage is like Husbands and wives are both under the authority of God. You've been given a project to do together to showcase to advertise the glory of God together. Husbands, you're not the one in charge, you're middle management. You have someone over you. Wives are not inferior, they're the ones making this project run, OK? Men, you need to remember that. Actually, husbands and wives are intended to work together to make the glory of God known.
Does this mean wives can't have an opinion. They can't speak, they're just supposed to be silent? Hardly any more than it wouldn't, it would be of no use to have someone on your team who never talks and never brings suggestions or volunteers anything. That's not helping. In fact, again, look to Jesus, if Jesus can pour out his heart to the Father. Speak his mind clearly, even forcefully, and yet still be our example of submission. Certainly wives are not called to be passive nor mute. Wives are not called to follow every whim of their husbands, but to follow what God has given them to do together.
Submission is not inferiority, it's not subjugation, it's not silence. It's not servitude. It is a willingness to follow the lead of your husband, so God's glory would be seen.
OK, now here's the truth. Sin gets in the way of this right here is God's pattern. The truth is we are all sinful people, wives, your husband's sin will get in the way of this. There will be times where he is not going to do this right. And there are times where wives, neither will you. So, before I speak to your husbands, wives, let me ask you the question. How are you doing on this? Have you made it easy for your husband to lead, or have you made it difficult? Are you committing yourself to follow alongside him in the task God has given you in your marriage, to put him on display or to put God on display? Have you begun to resent your husband? It's hard to follow someone you resent, isn't it?
Make your marriage a priority, and where we have failed, and we all have, let us repent. Turn back to Jesus, trust again in His forgiveness in our lives and strive in the strength of the Holy Spirit to put God's glory on display. So that people could look at your marriage and say, I see something of the way that God works with the church, how the church responds to God.
Now, for as much as God has things to say about wives, he has far more to say about husbands. I don't know if you looked at the length of texts. There's about 2, 2.5 verses that are given to wives. There's about 9.5 verses given to the husbands. God has a lot to say to husbands. Husbands, you are called to lead as Jesus has led the church. This is headship for the glory of God.
Look again, verse 25.
Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church.
Again, husbands, you're not about to get away easy. The bar is actually far higher than you realize. You're called to this headship, this leadership position in your marriage, and once again just like with submission, we so often misunderstand what that actually means. We think to ourselves, well, I know what it means to be a leader means I get to tell everyone what to do. That's not what this text says. How are you to show your leadership? It is in love. You lead with love for your wife.
So again, once two misconceptions, leadership is not dominance and neither is it dictatorship. Dominance is when you are using force, power, or whatever other means to manipulate and put the other down. That is not what you are called or even allowed to do in your marriage. Neither is leadership dictatorship, as if you get to make the rules and every whim that comes to mind is expected to be followed. Remember, you are not in charge. God is. Your middle management and God is standing over you.
In fact, more than that, God is carefully watching how you treat your wife. First Peter chapter 3 says,
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman is the weaker vessel that simply means physically, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Pay attention to that last part, because God actually cares about how you treat your wife so much so that if you are mistreating her, God is saying, I will ignore your pleas, your prayers. You don't get to treat God's daughter however you want and then assume that you are right with him. God actually deeply cares how you are treating your wife.
And so hear me. If you ever use the words, well, you have to submit to me. Husbands, if those words come out of your mouth, you are the one who has messed up. You are the one at fault because how dare you use God's words to somehow manipulate and control your wife? That is not what God has called you to do. God is like a jealous father looking after his daughter, and he will come for you. Do not misunderstand what leadership means. It's not about controlling power over someone. It is about showing the example of God's love.
So what does that look like? Again, Jesus is our example. Verse 25, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Here is our example. You wanna know what does it look like to lead in love? It looks like leading first and foremost in sacrifice. Men sacrifice for your wives, lay down your lives for her.
And I know in most men there is some sort of internal heroic mechanism in us that says, yes, I wanna throw myself in front of the bullet. I will jump in the way to save my wife. Yes, we love that idea and that's good, but hear me, that's not enough. Because When God calls husbands, emulate the sacrifice of Christ, it is not limited merely to the moment of his death, but his life that led up to it. You're not called simply to jump in front of a bullet and sit on the couch in selfishness the rest of your life, but rather, each and every day live sacrificially for your wife.
Jesus did not simply hang around for a while and then die on the cross. No, he spent his time sacrificing for the people of God. Husbands, this is your example, lay down your time, your effort, your energy, your comforts, your me time for your wife. If there's not enough food on the dinner table, you are the one who goes hungry. You don't even tell anyone you make that sacrifice first. That's what it means to lead. You sacrifice your wants for hers. You know you could probably afford getting a bigger car, but you're gonna make sure that your wife is taken care of. It means instead of spending every night at work to get ahead in your career, you are putting your wife and her needs ahead of yours you are sacrificing even your career, your time, your energy, your rest, all of it. You sacrifice your money because you aren't making money for yourself you're making it for her and your family should they come. To lead in love as Christ has led means you lay down every part of your life, every day of your life.
What did Jesus even say to his disciples?
Who wants to be first? Let him be a servant.
You are to lead as Jesus led. John chapter 15, Jesus says,
this is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this that someone lay down their life for their friends.
Jesus has called us to sacrifice for others, how much more so for your wife.
But again, this is only the beginning of what Paul has to say. Verse 26, he keeps going. He says that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. Here Paul begins to switch back between Jesus and the church and husbands. And wives, husbands are called to sanctify their wives as Jesus has sanctified the church. Again, sanctification just means to grow in holiness, to grow in our walk with God, or to imitate God more and more.
In fact, that is what Christ has done for us. 1 Corinthians 6, after listing a number of different sins, he says,
and such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the spirit of our God.
See the sacrifice of Jesus wasn't for no reason. He did so to actually forgive the sins of everyone who comes to trust in him and when he does that, he also begins to transform our lives, to imitate him more and more. Husbands, your sacrifice has the same purpose. It is to see your wives grow in their faith more and more.
Husbands, are you spiritually leading your wives to know Jesus? It's not sufficient to say, I put a roof over their heads, I put food on the table, my job is done. No, it's not. God has so much more in store for what he has called you to do. He calls us to live like Christ, follow his example, imitate God in our marriages.
Verse 27, he continues on. He says so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish. Jesus leads the church to grow in holiness and even grow in loveliness, grow in this sort of captivation of this holy lifestyle, husbands, is that your goal for your wife? Are you longing to see your wife grow in holiness? Has that thought even entered your mind? That's our goal for how we are to lead in love.
Verse 28 says in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. You want a good life? Love God, I love your wife. That will be the best for you. He who loves his wife loves himself.
So, husbands, how are you doing on this? Are you leading your wife to know Jesus more? Are you helping her to grow in holiness and sanctification? Or have you been the dictator of your house? Trying to force your way, trying to run down your wife, neglecting and pushing her away. God calls us lead in gentleness, care, self sacrifice, and love.
Hear me, if I just called the wives to showcase the glory of God in their willingness to follow your leadership, hear me. You better step up and be a kind of leader that looks like Christ. God has called us to put on display the love of Jesus for his church, to lay down your life, to show the watching world, the goodness of God's love. Can I look at your marriage and see that? Are you leading your wife spiritually? When's the last time you sat down and had a spiritual conversation? Do you know what she's struggling with? Do you know where her temptations lie? Are you encouraging her? Are you praying together? Are you opening your Bibles and reading the word of God? God has actually called you to lead your wife so compellingly in love that it is nothing but a delight to follow your leadership. Is that what you're doing?
I know none of us are perfect. I don't stand here because I've done this perfectly. Rather, men, would you repent of your sins, confess your sins to one another, have others even look into your life and hold you accountable. Trust in Jesus for the forgiveness of your sins, and then in the strength of the Holy Spirit, commit yourself to lead your wife in the self-sacrificial love of Christ that sees her good. Even above your own, your headship is for the glory of God.
See, that's the goal of marriage. Our marriages, our unity would be for the glory of God. Let me be very brief with this last point. Verse 29, Paul writes,
for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
Paul adds in another example. The analogy of Christ and the church is not just headship and submission but unity together as one body.
Just like in the middle of the night when you stub your toe, you don't think in your mind, it doesn't matter, it's just a foot. Now it's my foot. That hurts. I'm gonna take care of it. Of course, that's how Jesus feels about his church. Actually, Jesus is intimately connected with his church. He doesn't just let us go on our own, and Paul's whole point here is that marriage, unlike every other relationship that we have, is closer than any other.
Paul, in verse 31, he's quoting here from Genesis chapter 2, says,
therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
This mystery is profound, and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church. Paul's point here is to show actually the intention of marriage from the very beginning when God first created it before sin ever entered the world, was that marriage should be a picture of the love of God for His people. That it was to be a display, a practical outworking of how Jesus loves his church, though they didn't know it at the time, that was the picture God had given to them.
God's design from the beginning was that marriage would be so loving that it would actually look like him. That his husbands sacrificially give of themselves, we would see something of Jesus' sacrificial love for the church, that his wives follow their husband's leadership, we would see the willingness of his people to follow Jesus as Lord. Marriage is this beautiful display of God's glory and salvation played out in physical demonstration for the world to see.
See the care that we have for one another in marriage. It is unlike anything else, isn't it? It's a unique relationship. Nothing else really compares to it. And as you show greater and greater love for one another, do you not start to understand something of the greater love that God has for his people? And as you understand more of God's love for his people, do you not see a greater way to express. Love to your spouse. Marriage is intended to be this positive feedback loop continually growing and growing deeper and deeper in love for one another as we showcase more of the goodness of God's love for us.
God's design has been good, this ambitious display of true love, leading to greater life flourishing, stability, joy, fulfillment, and pleasure. Christians have always held marriage in high esteem. It's because it's more than just a tradition we happen to have, rather, it's the demonstration of God's love for us. So don't despise marriage. Don't look down upon it. Don't enter into it lightly. It is for God's glory and for our good.
At the same time, we should say this is not the only means of glorifying God. Paul writes about singleness and how we can glorify God no matter where we are. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 10,
whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all for the glory of God.
If you're married here today. Please understand what God has called you to do. Seek that your unity together would magnify the glory of God, that your love and respect might show the goodness of Jesus Christ.
So is the Bible's view on marriage outdated? It's actually trying to do something else entirely. We're not called to imitate the 1950s, we're called to imitate the love of God for His people. Jesus shows us what true leadership looks like as he lays down his life for his bride. So husbands are to show their love in sacrificially seeking after the best for their wife. Jesus shows us what it looks like to follow after God. Wives seek to demonstrate that, so we all have an example to follow. God's glory is revealed in unique ways to give us a greater picture of what he's done. The symphony of God's glory is played on more than one note, and as the beautiful melody and harmony combined, we sing of the praises of God, greater and greater. Let our marriages reflect the salvation of Jesus Christ, all for God's glory.
Let's pray together. Heavenly Father. Lord, we thank you for Jesus Christ. Lord, we thank you that you sent Jesus into this world to die on the cross, to pay the punishment for our sins that anyone who trusts in you would be forgiven. Father, we didn't earn that, we didn't deserve it, and yet you so graciously held out grace to sinners like us. You looked on us with love when we did not deserve it.
Father, I pray, would we be able to reflect this love. Lord, in our marriages, I pray, make us holy. Make us seek after you above all things. May we display more and more the greatness of your glory. Father, I pray When we sin, make us quick to repent. Quick to confess, quick to turn back to you and trust in you all the more. Lord, we long that every part of our lives would be for your glory. We ask these things in your name. Amen.